I taught a yoga class quite some time ago at a studio where I ended class saying Namaste with a completely appropriated translation of the word from a western yoga training I had taken not long before (“the light in me” version that you see plastered literally everywhere). A student approached me afterward and called me in on my definition. They told me that what I had said was a westernized definition (aka culturally appropriated) and pointed me in the direction of seeking out more information.
I remember writing down the podcast they recommended with full intention of listening to it (I couldn’t find it - I’ll edit the post if I do) and tucking it away for a few days for reasons that in retrospect are bullshit and racist (bs because they all deprioritized honouring yoga’s roots which are practices of people of colour - something I *thought* I was committed to at the time and centered my own white western person feelings.)
They had returned to my class again and embarrassingly I hadn’t done the work of listening to that podcast and educating myself before they returned. I told them I had downloaded it but hadn’t listened to it yet for aforementioned retrospectively bullshit reasons. I don’t remember how I ended that class or if I did. I listened to the podcast on my way home from teaching. I changed my namaste definition before the next class I taught and it’s been that way since.
Before I could change my class ending or educate myself I can tell you I never saw that student again. Didn’t matter that I did it - the delay said enough. Too late.
That student taught me the honourable action is also the immediate one when it comes to impact.
For years behind closed doors as a teacher, I’ve had similar conversations with limited impact. I accepted minor concessions as “progress” - it wasn’t. I can see that now.
My ego clouded my thinking in by staying in these spaces and being present I could make a difference - I can see clearly now I wasn’t.
As I’ve been doing a lot of listening the past few weeks, reflecting on my own privledge, actions (and inactions), and looking forward to the future. I’ve revisited this story and I realize there was another lesson I had yet to learn.
Now I realize absence can be as powerful of a teacher as presence - particularly when people profit (either in cash or labour or energy) from your presence.
I am watching spaces continually being called in to take action on issues of racism and racial justice within their business model, their community, their classes, their teachers and their practices.
Some are taking immediate action while they make mistakes, some say now is not the time does not feel right for them.
If now isn’t the time for you, I’m not here for it.